It's a tragedy to see a wasted mind and a wasted spirit.
I hope to never be one.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
sometimes we just need to scream
I'm well aware of the fact that I'm not an easy person to deal with when it comes to any form of relationship. I live life in a lucid dream and make up stories in my head on a regular basis. To my credit, I would have stopped making up stories if they never came true--unfortunately, they come true a little too often.
HOWEVER. I do exaggerate simple situations. When I'm stressed out, I do that a lot.
Now, my brain operates by a finely tuned symphony of lists, schedules, and itineraries. When I have a particularly large amount of coursework due, the tuning becomes finer and I tend to go into emotional shutdown--bottling up emotions for when I have time to feel them, reserving as much energy as possible for the time being. This may sound unhealthy, but...eh, you're right. But I've been this way since I was a kid and I'll probably never change.
Sometimes I forget that other people do not operate like my brain. They do not have compartmentalized thoughts, feelings, and plans, and cannot read my lists. And sometimes I decide that it is a good idea to let people know of the list in my head. Unfortunately, I don't add the reasoning behind my itineraries and therefore it is often misconstrued. Why is this more important than that, why are you doing this instead of that, etc etc etc. Trust me. There's a reason. I just don't want to have to explain it.
So, as these things inevitably end up, life explodes into a fireball of emotion and miscommunication and irrationality.
The good thing is that these feelings rarely last more than a few hours now. Before I started practicing, I could stew for weeeeks. Talk about unhealthy.
In the end, lots of yelling, screaming, and tears result. The bottled up emotions come spewing out like hastily opened tonic water and sprays us all in the face.
My conclusion? If we can't understand each other, sometimes we just need to yell and scream and cry. And then apologize. Still working on that part, but I think I'm getting better.
HOWEVER. I do exaggerate simple situations. When I'm stressed out, I do that a lot.
Now, my brain operates by a finely tuned symphony of lists, schedules, and itineraries. When I have a particularly large amount of coursework due, the tuning becomes finer and I tend to go into emotional shutdown--bottling up emotions for when I have time to feel them, reserving as much energy as possible for the time being. This may sound unhealthy, but...eh, you're right. But I've been this way since I was a kid and I'll probably never change.
Sometimes I forget that other people do not operate like my brain. They do not have compartmentalized thoughts, feelings, and plans, and cannot read my lists. And sometimes I decide that it is a good idea to let people know of the list in my head. Unfortunately, I don't add the reasoning behind my itineraries and therefore it is often misconstrued. Why is this more important than that, why are you doing this instead of that, etc etc etc. Trust me. There's a reason. I just don't want to have to explain it.
So, as these things inevitably end up, life explodes into a fireball of emotion and miscommunication and irrationality.
The good thing is that these feelings rarely last more than a few hours now. Before I started practicing, I could stew for weeeeks. Talk about unhealthy.
In the end, lots of yelling, screaming, and tears result. The bottled up emotions come spewing out like hastily opened tonic water and sprays us all in the face.
My conclusion? If we can't understand each other, sometimes we just need to yell and scream and cry. And then apologize. Still working on that part, but I think I'm getting better.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
finding a balance
My dad says I don't update my blog enough. So does my wonderful friend Ilan!
I mean, I guess that is true. Between blogs, facebook notes, facebook updates, and emails, I DO in fact update quite a bit...but one form of communication? That is soooo 1999 ;)
For the past few years, I have found that there comes a time when I seriously re-evaluate my priorities and try to keep myself in check. My personality is to charge full speed ahead, completely unaware of the effects on others, and try to get things DONE. I'm trying to balance my personality with thought and spirit.
I've been doing that these past few weeks. I am trying to find a balance in working on my self and working on my relationships with others. It's a slow and arduous process, but I am finding myself happier and more complete. Go figure!
I found that I had neglected many friendships. I also found that I was frustrated with things that I had no control over. My solution has been to make an effort to catch up with friends and let them know that I'm there for them--knowing that all I can do is offer, not force. The results have been astounding and I am so incredibly grateful for the people that I have in my life.
I'm a really lucky girl.
I mean, I guess that is true. Between blogs, facebook notes, facebook updates, and emails, I DO in fact update quite a bit...but one form of communication? That is soooo 1999 ;)
For the past few years, I have found that there comes a time when I seriously re-evaluate my priorities and try to keep myself in check. My personality is to charge full speed ahead, completely unaware of the effects on others, and try to get things DONE. I'm trying to balance my personality with thought and spirit.
I've been doing that these past few weeks. I am trying to find a balance in working on my self and working on my relationships with others. It's a slow and arduous process, but I am finding myself happier and more complete. Go figure!
I found that I had neglected many friendships. I also found that I was frustrated with things that I had no control over. My solution has been to make an effort to catch up with friends and let them know that I'm there for them--knowing that all I can do is offer, not force. The results have been astounding and I am so incredibly grateful for the people that I have in my life.
I'm a really lucky girl.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Greatness
"Greatness is always built on this foundation: the ability to appear, speak and act, as the most common man."
- Shams-ud-din Muhammed Hafiz
- Shams-ud-din Muhammed Hafiz
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Try. Never stop trying.
"I cant accept the world the way it is. It's too horrible. So I have to try to change it. My choice is either take it or do something about it--or try to do something about it. I think we have an obligation to those who have died...to those who have survived...to try. Never to stop trying to make it a more humane world. And that's what I do, and I ask others to do the best they can. Try. And if we try hard enough and long enough, I'm confident it will come about."
--Ben Ferencz, Nuremberg Prosecutor
--Ben Ferencz, Nuremberg Prosecutor
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
mini-reflection
Best decisions of the past few years:
-going to Ghana
-working my butt off in Ghana
-allowing myself to go in and out of a "relationship" for 4 years in order to discover the importance of family
-working as a mechanic
-going to India
-beginning my Mysore yoga practice
-staying true to my SELF, not another's idea of my self
-going to Ghana
-working my butt off in Ghana
-allowing myself to go in and out of a "relationship" for 4 years in order to discover the importance of family
-working as a mechanic
-going to India
-beginning my Mysore yoga practice
-staying true to my SELF, not another's idea of my self
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I hope that one day I stop crying.
Specifically about the state of the world.
Videos with graphics entailing human brutality, children dying from severe acute malnutrition, the rape in both developed and developing countries, the violence against people based on race caste creed religion--I can keep going for days.
I don't understand people in the world.
I don't understand the inherent evil.
I don't understand the chronic state of hate.
The only thing that stops my rabid emotions is action. When I get my hands dirty, work my butt off, and turn emotions on due to overwork instead of helplessness.... That's it.
People wonder why I work so hard. People question the "work ethic." People question my motives. It's to keep my mind at ease. It's to make me feel better about myself. That's pretty much it--I'm a workaholic to get rid of SOME of that helpless feeling.
I'm currently filling my mind with thought, opinions, and plans for the world. When I finish, I hope to see how it all works out. I hope to dive in and get the ball of my workaholic nature rolling. Soon soon soon. I guess I just need to be patient and breathe.
Specifically about the state of the world.
Videos with graphics entailing human brutality, children dying from severe acute malnutrition, the rape in both developed and developing countries, the violence against people based on race caste creed religion--I can keep going for days.
I don't understand people in the world.
I don't understand the inherent evil.
I don't understand the chronic state of hate.
The only thing that stops my rabid emotions is action. When I get my hands dirty, work my butt off, and turn emotions on due to overwork instead of helplessness.... That's it.
People wonder why I work so hard. People question the "work ethic." People question my motives. It's to keep my mind at ease. It's to make me feel better about myself. That's pretty much it--I'm a workaholic to get rid of SOME of that helpless feeling.
I'm currently filling my mind with thought, opinions, and plans for the world. When I finish, I hope to see how it all works out. I hope to dive in and get the ball of my workaholic nature rolling. Soon soon soon. I guess I just need to be patient and breathe.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
a bout of the dreaded chikungunya...
On my way back from India, I began to feel ill. The pains had begun a few days earlier, but I attributed them to a double dose of rigorous yoga practice on Saturday. I now believe that I was very, very wrong.
While I was packing to return to the States, I had the notion to pack a couple of IB profin in my carryon just in case.... In the taxi going from Mysore to Bangalore, I felt pain and a little flu-ish. By the time I reached the airport, I knew that I had a fever. When I entered the country, they shot our foreheads with temperature guns for swine flu. I knew that if they did that, they would detect a fever and throw me into quarantine. I did my best to avoid all airport personnel and got up to my terminal.
While I waited the five hours for my flight (Anu overestimated the time it would take to drive to BGL by a longshot), I got myself an iced tea (AT USD PRICES!!!). I continued to feel feverish and began to get a little bit worried.
Nevertheless, I boarded the plane, assuming that I was exaggerating and being a hypochondriac as always.
On the way to Paris, I was in constant pain. I couldn't sleep as my joints simply ACHED. I tried to drink water, but that's always questionable on air planes.... I didn't get out the ib profin as I had an entire leg ahead of me and wanted to wait it out. FYI--I hate taking chemicals.
In Paris the pain did not subside and the headache fully presented itself. I was hot, cranky, and hurting all over. It didn't help that my flight from India was filled with a bunch of impatient travelers who pushed and shoved onto the terminal shuttle. I got to my gate to NYC as they were boarding, still avoiding any and all airport personnel.
On the plane to Paris, I knew I was in trouble. I was still extremely hot, my head throbbed, and I could feel every thing in my body--joints, bones, ligaments, tendons, muscles, skin, hair...every thing. While the public health part of me told me that I needed to not get on a plane, the realistic side of me told me that I needed to get into the US with my insurance and language. (I have yet to learn French.)
The way to New York was miserabl, and I'm sure the woman next to me thought I was crazy. I didn't pop the pills, but got to New York tired, sore, and cranky. By this time the dizziness set in. I got to customs and was appalled at the slow-motion-performance of the customs officers. I was the 5th person in line and it took me over half an hour. My guy got up and left for about 25 minutes.
I finally collected my bags and dragged myself into a cab. My driver was a crank-pot and I was not in the mood for NYC BS. I got to my apt, dragged myself into my room, and collapsed in my bed. I felt slightly naseous, sore, dizzy, tired, and had a headache.
Recalling my symptoms of malaria, I knew that this was some thing else. I had also lost my appetite, and, for those of you who know me, my appetite is a sure indicator of my health. It is the LAST thing to go.
The next day I dragged myself to the health clinic, foregoing yoga practice and work obligations. I thought I was going to pass out the whole way there and could not believe the weakness I felt. I asked to be tested for dengue and malaria, reassuring them that I was not in a malaria zone. They stuck me on an IV and eventually I went home.
The fever lasted 3 more days. The peak (of measurement) was at approximately 102, and this was after I had stopped feeling on fire. Pretty nasty, I'd say. The fever continued to go in and out for 4 days, I felt terrible, had to sleep about 15 hours a day, and could barely make it to and from the subway station. No good. I hate being helpless and useless.
I went to Nevada to see my parents and experienced the bouts of pain, weakness, and tiredness throughout the trip. This was unfortunate as my parents thought I was being a drama queen. I tried to practice yoga and motivate myself to see people, but I was tired all the time. Blah.
Fast forward.
It looks like the bug I (and about 5 other expats people from the Mysore bubble and countless Indians) had was the dreaded Chikungunya virus. Spread by the nasty mosquitoes, it's pretty much impossible to treat/properly diagnose in the good ol USofA. The recovery time is approximately 3 months. I'm at one month (exactly!). The pain circulates throughout my body and it's pretty much a gamble on how I'm going to sleep/wake up. Luckily it has cycled through enough times that I've sort of gotten used to it and am regaining my strength. I can now get through a day, but still have a hard time in my yoga practice/walking. I got up to Mayurasana in second series last week, so I think that's a good sign! Sadly the pain has been in my lower back and hips the last few days, irritating the hell out of me.
In my global health class yesterday, I was perusing through AlertNet. Lo and behold, the Chikungunya has an alert! Naturally, I was a little ashamed when I read this sentence by Dr. James Diaz of the Louisiana University Health Sciences Center: "Travel by air will import the infected mosquitoes and humans," he added. "Chikungunya is coming."
I got on a plane. I was sick, got on a plane, and who KNOWS what happened in that tiny box of circulating air. I know better than that. To my credit, I am a bit of a hypochondriac and try to balance that out with reason. Regardless, I was actually ill and got on TWO planes. I know that it happens and that I'm not the only person from Mysore who was sick and got on a plane, but still. Globalization, man. It spreads disease.
I'm hoping to fully recover over the next couple of weeks. I'm also hoping to restore whatever karma it is that I've mistreated that puts me in these tropical infectious disease-situations. I'm waiting for a sign. Perhaps when I'm healed....
TIPS:
-don't get cocky and stop wearing your mosquito repellent
-if sick, make sure you have access to plenty of fluids
-it's good to have a friend around to help you out the first few days. It's practically debilitating and that makes it very difficult for us New York singles...
-never underestimate the power of tropical infections
While I was packing to return to the States, I had the notion to pack a couple of IB profin in my carryon just in case.... In the taxi going from Mysore to Bangalore, I felt pain and a little flu-ish. By the time I reached the airport, I knew that I had a fever. When I entered the country, they shot our foreheads with temperature guns for swine flu. I knew that if they did that, they would detect a fever and throw me into quarantine. I did my best to avoid all airport personnel and got up to my terminal.
While I waited the five hours for my flight (Anu overestimated the time it would take to drive to BGL by a longshot), I got myself an iced tea (AT USD PRICES!!!). I continued to feel feverish and began to get a little bit worried.
Nevertheless, I boarded the plane, assuming that I was exaggerating and being a hypochondriac as always.
On the way to Paris, I was in constant pain. I couldn't sleep as my joints simply ACHED. I tried to drink water, but that's always questionable on air planes.... I didn't get out the ib profin as I had an entire leg ahead of me and wanted to wait it out. FYI--I hate taking chemicals.
In Paris the pain did not subside and the headache fully presented itself. I was hot, cranky, and hurting all over. It didn't help that my flight from India was filled with a bunch of impatient travelers who pushed and shoved onto the terminal shuttle. I got to my gate to NYC as they were boarding, still avoiding any and all airport personnel.
On the plane to Paris, I knew I was in trouble. I was still extremely hot, my head throbbed, and I could feel every thing in my body--joints, bones, ligaments, tendons, muscles, skin, hair...every thing. While the public health part of me told me that I needed to not get on a plane, the realistic side of me told me that I needed to get into the US with my insurance and language. (I have yet to learn French.)
The way to New York was miserabl, and I'm sure the woman next to me thought I was crazy. I didn't pop the pills, but got to New York tired, sore, and cranky. By this time the dizziness set in. I got to customs and was appalled at the slow-motion-performance of the customs officers. I was the 5th person in line and it took me over half an hour. My guy got up and left for about 25 minutes.
I finally collected my bags and dragged myself into a cab. My driver was a crank-pot and I was not in the mood for NYC BS. I got to my apt, dragged myself into my room, and collapsed in my bed. I felt slightly naseous, sore, dizzy, tired, and had a headache.
Recalling my symptoms of malaria, I knew that this was some thing else. I had also lost my appetite, and, for those of you who know me, my appetite is a sure indicator of my health. It is the LAST thing to go.
The next day I dragged myself to the health clinic, foregoing yoga practice and work obligations. I thought I was going to pass out the whole way there and could not believe the weakness I felt. I asked to be tested for dengue and malaria, reassuring them that I was not in a malaria zone. They stuck me on an IV and eventually I went home.
The fever lasted 3 more days. The peak (of measurement) was at approximately 102, and this was after I had stopped feeling on fire. Pretty nasty, I'd say. The fever continued to go in and out for 4 days, I felt terrible, had to sleep about 15 hours a day, and could barely make it to and from the subway station. No good. I hate being helpless and useless.
I went to Nevada to see my parents and experienced the bouts of pain, weakness, and tiredness throughout the trip. This was unfortunate as my parents thought I was being a drama queen. I tried to practice yoga and motivate myself to see people, but I was tired all the time. Blah.
Fast forward.
It looks like the bug I (and about 5 other expats people from the Mysore bubble and countless Indians) had was the dreaded Chikungunya virus. Spread by the nasty mosquitoes, it's pretty much impossible to treat/properly diagnose in the good ol USofA. The recovery time is approximately 3 months. I'm at one month (exactly!). The pain circulates throughout my body and it's pretty much a gamble on how I'm going to sleep/wake up. Luckily it has cycled through enough times that I've sort of gotten used to it and am regaining my strength. I can now get through a day, but still have a hard time in my yoga practice/walking. I got up to Mayurasana in second series last week, so I think that's a good sign! Sadly the pain has been in my lower back and hips the last few days, irritating the hell out of me.
In my global health class yesterday, I was perusing through AlertNet. Lo and behold, the Chikungunya has an alert! Naturally, I was a little ashamed when I read this sentence by Dr. James Diaz of the Louisiana University Health Sciences Center: "Travel by air will import the infected mosquitoes and humans," he added. "Chikungunya is coming."
I got on a plane. I was sick, got on a plane, and who KNOWS what happened in that tiny box of circulating air. I know better than that. To my credit, I am a bit of a hypochondriac and try to balance that out with reason. Regardless, I was actually ill and got on TWO planes. I know that it happens and that I'm not the only person from Mysore who was sick and got on a plane, but still. Globalization, man. It spreads disease.
I'm hoping to fully recover over the next couple of weeks. I'm also hoping to restore whatever karma it is that I've mistreated that puts me in these tropical infectious disease-situations. I'm waiting for a sign. Perhaps when I'm healed....
TIPS:
-don't get cocky and stop wearing your mosquito repellent
-if sick, make sure you have access to plenty of fluids
-it's good to have a friend around to help you out the first few days. It's practically debilitating and that makes it very difficult for us New York singles...
-never underestimate the power of tropical infections
Friday, September 18, 2009
living with intention
I went to India knowing that I needed to work on acknowledging that my actions affect others. I've come to the conclusion that it's a life long process.
I spent the last two years coming to the realization that I was going into my professional field for purely selfish reasons. I enjoy working with and for others. If doing what makes me happy benefits others, selfishness can be good. Right?
I need to work on separating my personal and professional lives. Being selfish in my personal life, when it affects others in a negative way, is not good. Even when I go thousands of miles away to work on my self, I still need to be aware of others.
I went. I spent. I need. I haven't figured out if this is me moving past working on my self or God telling me to keep working on my self. I suppose I will learn more in the days to come.
I'm living with intention. I suppose that's all I can do.
I spent the last two years coming to the realization that I was going into my professional field for purely selfish reasons. I enjoy working with and for others. If doing what makes me happy benefits others, selfishness can be good. Right?
I need to work on separating my personal and professional lives. Being selfish in my personal life, when it affects others in a negative way, is not good. Even when I go thousands of miles away to work on my self, I still need to be aware of others.
I went. I spent. I need. I haven't figured out if this is me moving past working on my self or God telling me to keep working on my self. I suppose I will learn more in the days to come.
I'm living with intention. I suppose that's all I can do.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
MYSORE. the yoga and the india.
Mysore-style yoga is the traditional form of Ashtanga yoga. You learn one pose at a time of a pre-scripted sequence at the instructors discretion. Think of it as a sandwich: first come the sun salutations (A&B), then the standing postures, then which ever series you are working on (there are six, in practice), and finish up with the finishing postures. The poses are connected with the ujjayi breath and vinyasas.
I have been addicted to this specific form of Ashtanga since I was forced into a class at the yoga shack in Reno, NV and found it so incredibly frustrating/challenging/ridiculous that my Type-A personality SCREAMED at me. Naturally, I went back for more.
Almost 1.5 years later, I have created a personal connection with my practice so deep, I crave my 6/7 (ish...) days of asana practice/personal growth.
My primary series is a big bear hug of comfort and meditation (which still challenging with room to grow) on moondays, Fridays, and days of physical/mental heaviness. My second series has finally been sketched out and is gathering shadings with every practice. I patiently anticipate third series in the coming future. It's beautiful, really.
This past week I returned from a month long adventure in Mysore, India, where I learned more about myself, life, humanity, spirituality, ETC than I could have ever imagined. I met incredible people and experienced life changing events...I look forward to returning again soon.
I'm going to spend the next few blogs reflecting and recounting my time there, more for my own benefit than any one else's. The places I saw, the places I need to remember to return...you know. All of that fun stuff ;) Hopefully you will get to travel to Mysore too, and perhaps use some of my memories as a guide line for making your own....
I have been addicted to this specific form of Ashtanga since I was forced into a class at the yoga shack in Reno, NV and found it so incredibly frustrating/challenging/ridiculous that my Type-A personality SCREAMED at me. Naturally, I went back for more.
Almost 1.5 years later, I have created a personal connection with my practice so deep, I crave my 6/7 (ish...) days of asana practice/personal growth.
My primary series is a big bear hug of comfort and meditation (which still challenging with room to grow) on moondays, Fridays, and days of physical/mental heaviness. My second series has finally been sketched out and is gathering shadings with every practice. I patiently anticipate third series in the coming future. It's beautiful, really.
This past week I returned from a month long adventure in Mysore, India, where I learned more about myself, life, humanity, spirituality, ETC than I could have ever imagined. I met incredible people and experienced life changing events...I look forward to returning again soon.
I'm going to spend the next few blogs reflecting and recounting my time there, more for my own benefit than any one else's. The places I saw, the places I need to remember to return...you know. All of that fun stuff ;) Hopefully you will get to travel to Mysore too, and perhaps use some of my memories as a guide line for making your own....
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Woah. I'm almost overbooked.
Yesterday=skydove. Yea. I did. Whatttttttttt.
Today:=moved out of the loft in Williamsburg and into the first floor of a building in ft greene/prospect park area...
This week=crashing at Es, finals, unpacking after the 1st
Upcoming weekend:=unpacking, no 4th plans (for the first 4th I've spent in the States in a very long time...), hopefully waiting in line at 4am on Sunday for Shakespeare in the Park tickets.
Next week=end of finals
Next Thursday-Monday=Florida
Tuesday-Tuesday=work/prepare for india!
That Tuesday the 21st=depart for Bangalore
Arrive the 22
Practice yoga for a month in Mysore :)
August 26=return to NYC
August 29-31=Wagner weekend retreat
September 1-9=Reno
September 10=begin Fall classes.
Eek! Totally booked. Hehe.
Today:=moved out of the loft in Williamsburg and into the first floor of a building in ft greene/prospect park area...
This week=crashing at Es, finals, unpacking after the 1st
Upcoming weekend:=unpacking, no 4th plans (for the first 4th I've spent in the States in a very long time...), hopefully waiting in line at 4am on Sunday for Shakespeare in the Park tickets.
Next week=end of finals
Next Thursday-Monday=Florida
Tuesday-Tuesday=work/prepare for india!
That Tuesday the 21st=depart for Bangalore
Arrive the 22
Practice yoga for a month in Mysore :)
August 26=return to NYC
August 29-31=Wagner weekend retreat
September 1-9=Reno
September 10=begin Fall classes.
Eek! Totally booked. Hehe.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Danuns and dacleanse
The weekend at danuns was absolutely incredible. These two women represent the gifts of compassion, strength, and goodwill that I would like to attain. Their educated dialogue combines with their wisdom following years of struggles and conflict. They believe in empowerment and lean towards the redefinition of gender roles. These two ladies completely wiped away all assumptions I had of "nuns."
The house was absolutely beautiful, furnished and remodeled with gifts from the community and people danuns have touched. The donated pool is magnificent and will be a fitting addition to their ministry. Their home and surrounding area represents the magnitude to which these women have affected the lives of others, for good.
In regards to the cleanse....
I'd been feeling extremely unenergetic the past week. Not in a caffeine way (given) but in a different way. On Friday we went to Mexican food where I had some chicken enchiladas con mole. It was delicious. My mood brightened up and the next morning my muscles had ENERGY! Clearly, going off of meat is not as simple as I thought it would be. I've decided to incorporate light meat meals into my diet. Instead of eating a copious amount of meat on the cleanse, I will eat when necessary. I did notice that every time I ate food this weekend that wasn't cleanse approved (chocolate, lemon bars, meat, cheese, sugar...) I actually TASTED the food rather than inhale. However, I did inhale the nachos. That was a bit of a doozy and I felt it after, for sure.
Altogether, I have gained an awareness on the cleanse. I'm still on it and am back to normal with my tofu and veggies. Sigh.
I'm now back to the daily grind and preparing to move. Supppppper. India in a month! Yay!!!
The house was absolutely beautiful, furnished and remodeled with gifts from the community and people danuns have touched. The donated pool is magnificent and will be a fitting addition to their ministry. Their home and surrounding area represents the magnitude to which these women have affected the lives of others, for good.
In regards to the cleanse....
I'd been feeling extremely unenergetic the past week. Not in a caffeine way (given) but in a different way. On Friday we went to Mexican food where I had some chicken enchiladas con mole. It was delicious. My mood brightened up and the next morning my muscles had ENERGY! Clearly, going off of meat is not as simple as I thought it would be. I've decided to incorporate light meat meals into my diet. Instead of eating a copious amount of meat on the cleanse, I will eat when necessary. I did notice that every time I ate food this weekend that wasn't cleanse approved (chocolate, lemon bars, meat, cheese, sugar...) I actually TASTED the food rather than inhale. However, I did inhale the nachos. That was a bit of a doozy and I felt it after, for sure.
Altogether, I have gained an awareness on the cleanse. I'm still on it and am back to normal with my tofu and veggies. Sigh.
I'm now back to the daily grind and preparing to move. Supppppper. India in a month! Yay!!!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Cleanse Week 1: Cheats, mistakes, and a little FYI...
Week one of the cleanse is slowly coming to its end. As I gather up a few of my belongings to go up to danuns with Edith and Co this weekend, I'm going to take a quick moment to share what I've discovered.
Day One: The hardest part of this day was going to the slumber party. Sabrina and Landon were in town so we had a little food fest. I ate the salad and the tortilla chips/salsa and strawberries I brought, sadly skipping the pasta. EJ rolls in at about 10 with a dozen Crumbs cupcakes. SO MEAN! They went out for fried chicken at about midnight and I hit the hay. Phew.
Day Two: Caffeine. I was the biggest bitch in the world on Monday. I couldn't function, was incredibly unproductive, and actually warned my boss about the status of my caffeine withdrawal. I had a great Mysore practice with second series in the morning, but then I usually have my cuppa Joe. I had also come straight from a slumber party with a rowdy crowd filled with cupcakes and The headache began around noon and I was not happy when those little kids started coming into the office. I was mean to people in person, I was mean to people in cyberspace, I was mean to people in my head. It's insane! I had to go out and buy lunch and was ABSOLUTELY APPALLED by the amount they charged me for a salad. I went home and popped a couple of IB profin to reduce the pain and hammer out my midterm. I turned in my midterm and fell asleep in class...had to see apartments that night too. ooooo I was not happy. Haha!
Day Three: Edith's Birthday. No caffeine headache on the second day, so I was quite relieved. I was also a little bit more with it. I practiced the Primary series in the morning and then realized when I got to work that I left my work keys and my computer charger in the drawer. This proves how out of it I really was on Monday! I was really hungry all day and could not be satisfied with almonds, apples, or veggies and rice. I researched some edible options for Edith and I to head to for her bday and we ended up going to Rockin' Raw. I had "live" pasta with pesto, E had the gumbo, and Amanda had the "live" pasta rojo. The food was decent, however, at my second attempt eating raw I have come to the same conclusion: the raw foods diet will NEVER satiate my appetite. In fact, it makes me hungrier! I went to Babycakes before dinner to pick up some cleanse-approved cupcakes and we sang and gorged like there was no tomorrow. We then went to Foodswings, a vegan fast food place in Williamsburg, and gorged ourselves on the gluten free options of BBQ "chicken" drums, fried plantains, and french fries. It was halfway through our meal when I realized that we couldn't actually have BBQ sauce or ketchup. Oops. Slip #1....We then went to Bembe to listen to some latin beats and fantasize about the mojitos and watermelon drinks we could have had. I got Edith a watermelon drink. I mean, c'mon, it's her birthday! She has to have a celebratory drink! We acknowledged the addiction and moved on.
Day Four: Second series day and feeling super sluggish. I've been feeling really unenergetic the last few days. I'm going to say it's the caffeine...it could also be the last minute apt hunting and the like. I do have a new place, so that's a relief. I signed a lease, went to class, and then went to Zoe and Caitlin's bday celebration at a Thai restaurant. I had the green curry with tofu, knowing that they probably put in soy sauce and fish sauce. But hey, you have to be flexible.
Day Five: Did not get up for yoga. There was so much rain I "snoozed" my alarm and ended up waking up at 8! Headed out to work for a full crazy day of trying to sort out the practice's life....it was pretty insane. Edith and I planned a sushi night with her brother and sister who were in town. My friend from Ghana had a layover in New York with his little brother, so they stopped by (super jet lagged...his little brother actually just slept in my bed the whole time haha!). We had sushi with cucumbers, asian pears, carrots, imitation crab, and egg. So. Here's where I really slipped up:
-I cooked the egg for the egg people and began snacking on it. Oops.
-I just googled imitation crab meat. It turns out it's made out of real fish WITH sugar, egg, and wheat binding agents. This explains why my kidneys felt like crap last night and today in Mysore...
Today is the 6th day. I could go for a glass of wine. I could also go for a nice juicy steak. But it's ok, because I will just say no!
I still wonder what it is that is making my kidneys feel so bad. I thought it was gluten (and still might) but was bombarded with a plethora of statistics on facebook on why gluten would not be the culprit. Sigh.
It's pretty interesting what this cleanse is showing me. First of all, caffeine really allows me to function as a human being. Second of all, we never really know what we're putting into our bodies! I started reading labels and it's pretty incredible which foods have wheat, sugar, etc in them and which don't.
I'm looking forward to this weekend for a reprise from the New York drama.
Day One: The hardest part of this day was going to the slumber party. Sabrina and Landon were in town so we had a little food fest. I ate the salad and the tortilla chips/salsa and strawberries I brought, sadly skipping the pasta. EJ rolls in at about 10 with a dozen Crumbs cupcakes. SO MEAN! They went out for fried chicken at about midnight and I hit the hay. Phew.
Day Two: Caffeine. I was the biggest bitch in the world on Monday. I couldn't function, was incredibly unproductive, and actually warned my boss about the status of my caffeine withdrawal. I had a great Mysore practice with second series in the morning, but then I usually have my cuppa Joe. I had also come straight from a slumber party with a rowdy crowd filled with cupcakes and The headache began around noon and I was not happy when those little kids started coming into the office. I was mean to people in person, I was mean to people in cyberspace, I was mean to people in my head. It's insane! I had to go out and buy lunch and was ABSOLUTELY APPALLED by the amount they charged me for a salad. I went home and popped a couple of IB profin to reduce the pain and hammer out my midterm. I turned in my midterm and fell asleep in class...had to see apartments that night too. ooooo I was not happy. Haha!
Day Three: Edith's Birthday. No caffeine headache on the second day, so I was quite relieved. I was also a little bit more with it. I practiced the Primary series in the morning and then realized when I got to work that I left my work keys and my computer charger in the drawer. This proves how out of it I really was on Monday! I was really hungry all day and could not be satisfied with almonds, apples, or veggies and rice. I researched some edible options for Edith and I to head to for her bday and we ended up going to Rockin' Raw. I had "live" pasta with pesto, E had the gumbo, and Amanda had the "live" pasta rojo. The food was decent, however, at my second attempt eating raw I have come to the same conclusion: the raw foods diet will NEVER satiate my appetite. In fact, it makes me hungrier! I went to Babycakes before dinner to pick up some cleanse-approved cupcakes and we sang and gorged like there was no tomorrow. We then went to Foodswings, a vegan fast food place in Williamsburg, and gorged ourselves on the gluten free options of BBQ "chicken" drums, fried plantains, and french fries. It was halfway through our meal when I realized that we couldn't actually have BBQ sauce or ketchup. Oops. Slip #1....We then went to Bembe to listen to some latin beats and fantasize about the mojitos and watermelon drinks we could have had. I got Edith a watermelon drink. I mean, c'mon, it's her birthday! She has to have a celebratory drink! We acknowledged the addiction and moved on.
Day Four: Second series day and feeling super sluggish. I've been feeling really unenergetic the last few days. I'm going to say it's the caffeine...it could also be the last minute apt hunting and the like. I do have a new place, so that's a relief. I signed a lease, went to class, and then went to Zoe and Caitlin's bday celebration at a Thai restaurant. I had the green curry with tofu, knowing that they probably put in soy sauce and fish sauce. But hey, you have to be flexible.
Day Five: Did not get up for yoga. There was so much rain I "snoozed" my alarm and ended up waking up at 8! Headed out to work for a full crazy day of trying to sort out the practice's life....it was pretty insane. Edith and I planned a sushi night with her brother and sister who were in town. My friend from Ghana had a layover in New York with his little brother, so they stopped by (super jet lagged...his little brother actually just slept in my bed the whole time haha!). We had sushi with cucumbers, asian pears, carrots, imitation crab, and egg. So. Here's where I really slipped up:
-I cooked the egg for the egg people and began snacking on it. Oops.
-I just googled imitation crab meat. It turns out it's made out of real fish WITH sugar, egg, and wheat binding agents. This explains why my kidneys felt like crap last night and today in Mysore...
Today is the 6th day. I could go for a glass of wine. I could also go for a nice juicy steak. But it's ok, because I will just say no!
I still wonder what it is that is making my kidneys feel so bad. I thought it was gluten (and still might) but was bombarded with a plethora of statistics on facebook on why gluten would not be the culprit. Sigh.
It's pretty interesting what this cleanse is showing me. First of all, caffeine really allows me to function as a human being. Second of all, we never really know what we're putting into our bodies! I started reading labels and it's pretty incredible which foods have wheat, sugar, etc in them and which don't.
I'm looking forward to this weekend for a reprise from the New York drama.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Cleanse, Cleanse, Cleanse...
I'm finished with this cycle of mind-body-soul abuse.
It has truly gotten out of hand and I have hurt one too many people on this downhill path.
In order to jumpstart my path to self-discovery, I am partaking on a 21-day cleanse of sorts. This is a cleanse called Quantum Wellness by Kathy Freston--it's been hailed by Oprah and the people at my yoga studio have raved about it. While thumbing through the book, I find that, although I fundamentally disagree with wealthy white women telling us all how to be skinny, I do like some of the basic principals.
The cleanse is basically the elimination of the following five things from one's diet:
I know that in 2 days the caffeine headaches will set in. I know that in 6 days the meat cravings will be unbearable. I know that in 8 days my sugar cravings are going to be absolutely abominable. But I'm determined.
My little cheats are decaf coffee and Luna bars. Luna bars aren't on the list of "approved items," but I haven't seen any thing in the ingredients that indicate any of the big 5.
Edith and I went grocery shopping last night and stocked up on unsweetened dried fruits, alternate grains, beans nuts and lentils, etc. This should be interesting.
Following this little kickstart, I will be making my way to India for a month. I will be practicing Mysore in Mysore from July 21-August 25! I'm so excited and still in disbelief at my impulsive ways :)
Today is day one. There is a "slumber party" tonight and I know it will be my first major challenge. Thus far I have had gluten free kids cereal, vegetarian chili I made the other day, and am drinking decaf coffee as I plot out how to complete this disgusting midterm in the next 4 hours.
It has truly gotten out of hand and I have hurt one too many people on this downhill path.
In order to jumpstart my path to self-discovery, I am partaking on a 21-day cleanse of sorts. This is a cleanse called Quantum Wellness by Kathy Freston--it's been hailed by Oprah and the people at my yoga studio have raved about it. While thumbing through the book, I find that, although I fundamentally disagree with wealthy white women telling us all how to be skinny, I do like some of the basic principals.
The cleanse is basically the elimination of the following five things from one's diet:
- Animal Products
- Sugar
- Caffeine
- Alcohol
- Gluten
I know that in 2 days the caffeine headaches will set in. I know that in 6 days the meat cravings will be unbearable. I know that in 8 days my sugar cravings are going to be absolutely abominable. But I'm determined.
My little cheats are decaf coffee and Luna bars. Luna bars aren't on the list of "approved items," but I haven't seen any thing in the ingredients that indicate any of the big 5.
Edith and I went grocery shopping last night and stocked up on unsweetened dried fruits, alternate grains, beans nuts and lentils, etc. This should be interesting.
Following this little kickstart, I will be making my way to India for a month. I will be practicing Mysore in Mysore from July 21-August 25! I'm so excited and still in disbelief at my impulsive ways :)
Today is day one. There is a "slumber party" tonight and I know it will be my first major challenge. Thus far I have had gluten free kids cereal, vegetarian chili I made the other day, and am drinking decaf coffee as I plot out how to complete this disgusting midterm in the next 4 hours.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Small small reflection of sorts
As I my final semester as a technical undergraduate nears its end, I can't help but ponder about my future.
A) Unemployment
B) Continuing education
C) The amount of money spent on education
D) My travel bug
Unemployment is ever present and looming in my weary face. Not only is there a practical hiring freeze across the globe, but I'm not qualified to do what I want to do. Please tell me why one must have a Masters just to INTERN at a big organization? It's absurd.
You may or may not know that I am currently working on my MPA. This just means that I get to wrack up 36 more credits and add an MPA to the end of my name. I can also intern at the UN. What is an MPA? Master of Public Administration...for public and nonprofit management and policy analysis, with a light focus on health. It's a mouthful. This also means that I will be adding about 40K to my education costs...bringing me to my next topic.
Over the past four years, I have spent approximately 200K on my education. By "I" I refer to my loving parents and Sallie Mae. Due to the ever changing significance of education, my BA is now worth about as much as a GED, requiring me to attend more school and shell out more money. This year I didn't purchase any text books, as they raised tuition 2K a semester. Sigh.
What could I have done with 200K in four years? Hm. Let's think. I could have flown myself around the globe and traveled to far and near lands. I could have studied to be a yoga instructor and moved to India for a touch. I could have actually afforded to live in New York. I could have bought a pretty decent house (in this economy). ETC. There are many things that I could have done with that 200K.
What could I not have done without spending the past 4 years as I did. I wouldn't have experienced ridiculous roomates. I probably would not have lived in New York. I wouldn't have lived in Madrid. I wouldn't have become a mechanic for 3 months (who knows). I wouldn't have lived in Ghana and worked on an incredible project. I wouldn't have met a lot of people. I wouldn't have figured out what I wanted to do with my life academically. I wouldn't have learned such valuable life lessons. I wouldn't be the same person whatsoever.
Was 200K worth it? Who knows. But I did it and it's done and I'm here. And very very very much in debt.
The travel bug is a different issue entirely. I've always had this, but now it's INTENSIFIED! I'm thinking India, Kilimanjaro, or Kenya. Hmmm....
All in all I'm pretty blessed to have such a challenging yet unchallenging life. It's like my yoga practice--only as challenging as I want to make it. It's like I'm always IN control and NOT in control....interesting interesting interesting.
A) Unemployment
B) Continuing education
C) The amount of money spent on education
D) My travel bug
Unemployment is ever present and looming in my weary face. Not only is there a practical hiring freeze across the globe, but I'm not qualified to do what I want to do. Please tell me why one must have a Masters just to INTERN at a big organization? It's absurd.
You may or may not know that I am currently working on my MPA. This just means that I get to wrack up 36 more credits and add an MPA to the end of my name. I can also intern at the UN. What is an MPA? Master of Public Administration...for public and nonprofit management and policy analysis, with a light focus on health. It's a mouthful. This also means that I will be adding about 40K to my education costs...bringing me to my next topic.
Over the past four years, I have spent approximately 200K on my education. By "I" I refer to my loving parents and Sallie Mae. Due to the ever changing significance of education, my BA is now worth about as much as a GED, requiring me to attend more school and shell out more money. This year I didn't purchase any text books, as they raised tuition 2K a semester. Sigh.
What could I have done with 200K in four years? Hm. Let's think. I could have flown myself around the globe and traveled to far and near lands. I could have studied to be a yoga instructor and moved to India for a touch. I could have actually afforded to live in New York. I could have bought a pretty decent house (in this economy). ETC. There are many things that I could have done with that 200K.
What could I not have done without spending the past 4 years as I did. I wouldn't have experienced ridiculous roomates. I probably would not have lived in New York. I wouldn't have lived in Madrid. I wouldn't have become a mechanic for 3 months (who knows). I wouldn't have lived in Ghana and worked on an incredible project. I wouldn't have met a lot of people. I wouldn't have figured out what I wanted to do with my life academically. I wouldn't have learned such valuable life lessons. I wouldn't be the same person whatsoever.
Was 200K worth it? Who knows. But I did it and it's done and I'm here. And very very very much in debt.
The travel bug is a different issue entirely. I've always had this, but now it's INTENSIFIED! I'm thinking India, Kilimanjaro, or Kenya. Hmmm....
All in all I'm pretty blessed to have such a challenging yet unchallenging life. It's like my yoga practice--only as challenging as I want to make it. It's like I'm always IN control and NOT in control....interesting interesting interesting.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
busy busy little ants, we are
I am really bad about updating...
So, I'm in New York. Nice cold windy wet New York. I found an apt, like my roommates, found a yoga studio to practice work-study, and have started classes. I purchased myself a bed for my birthday, sent my resume to 1.6 billion people, tried to call people, and realized that I need an iPhone. I've gone grocery shopping a few times, out a few times, and driven a Uhaul through the streets of New York city.
I haven't even been here for 3 weeks!
I added a few Mysore poses today but definitely overstretched my shoulders...it certainly doesn't help that I threw myself back into walking 5+miles a day with 30 pound purses.... Whoops.
I guess that's why God made man to make heat packs :)
So, I'm in New York. Nice cold windy wet New York. I found an apt, like my roommates, found a yoga studio to practice work-study, and have started classes. I purchased myself a bed for my birthday, sent my resume to 1.6 billion people, tried to call people, and realized that I need an iPhone. I've gone grocery shopping a few times, out a few times, and driven a Uhaul through the streets of New York city.
I haven't even been here for 3 weeks!
I added a few Mysore poses today but definitely overstretched my shoulders...it certainly doesn't help that I threw myself back into walking 5+miles a day with 30 pound purses.... Whoops.
I guess that's why God made man to make heat packs :)
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